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Christmas Gifts:The Good, The Bad & The Real Ugly

This time of year, I need to take a little break from all of the politics or economic gloom and doom stories, and write a funny little Christmas piece. And I thought about all the sad guys who should have started earlier buying Christmas gifts, but didn't. So I looked for a few suggestions out there what would have made great Christmas gifts if only you had a little more time and it wasn't the eleventh hour.

As a true Christmasy cheer type of guy, I've carefully looked for some of the most outrageously good and sometimes outrightly strange and bad weird Christmas gifts that maybe you should have considered, or then again maybe not, to have given this year. And I've found a few worthy contender items to mention here for your laughter and amusement.

pic8.jpgA motorscooter wholesaler USA SCOOTERS WHOLESALE is offering this very bizarre one wheel scooter that looks like a real problem to drive and not have a terrible life-threatening accident. Yet the design is certainly interesting, and will probably provide more than a few great video moments for a FACES OF DEATH video. Heck, for a few thousand dollars, it looks like a very strange toy to own. But where do you put the license plate on with all the rotation. And, hey, is that thing even street legal? The design certainly raises a number of important life and death questions.

Maybe Piranha fish taxidermy is more your idea of a cheery Christmas gift. A seller on Ebay is offering this insane gift for $20. Who would want to be left out not owning these. Didn't Tiny Tim in that Christmas story want some of these as a dying wish as well?piarran taxidermy.jpg

On the more sane side, but very pricey, is the Ridley Motorcycles Auto-Glide Trike priced at a mere $26,000. Interestingly, this way cool trike features a hefty V-Twin 750cc engine and a rad custom body design with nice big fat rubber on the rear. This looks like an ultimate toy here. And because all Ridley Motorcycles feature automatic transmissions, anyone can easily learn to ride one of their bikes if you just have the cash required to purchase one.models-B_600-1.jpg

As I combed through Ebay wondering what the weird and strange gifts are and to be found, a seller sells you one square foot of a Scottish golf estate for a mere $34.00. By Scottish law you can become known as Laird, which is the Scottish equivalent of Lord. Alright. You own a foot of a golf course and are now a Scottish land "lord". Splendid. laird title.jpg

Hey guys. if you have a bad lady in your life, TOP DATING TIPS, has a nice selection of the worst possible Christmas gifts to give that special lady in your life that you want to disappear. Among the top worst possible Christmas gifts are: Electrical appliances, Cleaning equipment, cooking utensils, a gift for yourself that you pretend is for her, cheap perfume, clothes, cubic zirconium jewelry, flannel lingerie and some last minute gift vouchers. However if you really want to clear the house but fast, then some anti-wrinkle cream or a gift certificate for Weight Watchers ought to really drive the coffin nails in any relationship that you now have. However, if you value your relationship, then you might want to heed the warning about the toxic value of the above bad gifts.

I can't really figure out what this guy was selling on Ebay. But of all places, he lives in Utah and there were 10 bids on it. But it would indeed make a very creepy Christmas gift. c5be_1.jpg

Since I'm a vegan, I'm always surfing the Web for new vegan businesses, and I ran across the strangest vegan business that I've ever seen in my whole life that would offer some very strange Christmas gifts. VeganErotica, offers a strange collection of bondage and S&M sex toy gifts for that special kinky vegan in your life who is into hurting their lover, but not animals. What kinky vegan wouldn't love to wear a dog collar knowing full well that no animals were harmed in it's making. Interesting philosophy there indeed. 16spikecollar.jpg

But if you like your relationship on the soft and romantic side, Pajamagrams offers some great overnight gift delivery items that come with some cute packaging and cards that send a message that you really care and are a closet romantic devil. pkg-popup-womens-08.jpg

In short, there is a real wealth of gifts out there that you could have given if you started earlier that range from the real good to real bad. And if you didn't pick up something decent by now. then you're really in trouble if you think that 7-11 or the gas station store is going to have that special gift in stock for that special person in your life. God help you if you're in that sorry of shape. However, if you already picked out a great gift, and your Christmas shopping is all done, then you have nothing to fear, guys. All is well. You can rest easy.

Merry Christmas


Note: Wizbang Blue is now closed and our authors have moved on. Paul Hooson can now be found at Wizbang Pop!. Please come see him there!

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Comments (7)

Doubting Thomas:

Think that one-wheeler's a bad idea? The Army was looking at something similar that made the cover in 1917. The article was less than positive.

Cover's here...

http://books.google.com/books?id=gikDAAAAMBAJ&printsec=frontcover&dq=popular+science&source=gbs_summary_r&cad=0_2

Bad ideas never die - they just get rechromed and passed off as new.

epador:

Paul has broadened my horizons on of all days, Christmas. I never dreamed that even in California would there be marketed "cruelty-free" gags and cat-o-nine tails in your choice of black, white, blue and red. I'm thinking I'll hold out until they have Green...

Lee Ward[TypeKey Profile Page]:

I've found that "glow in the dark" is particularly useful... ;)

I was looking to write a light and funny piece for Christmas, and I sure enjoyed all the great comments here so far. Thanks so much.

Wow, Doubting Thomas, that WWI vintage era 1917 motorcycle battlefield unit is really wild. I've never seen that before, and I own a lot of old back copies of POPULAR SCIENCE and POPULAR MECHANICS. I'll have to send some of friends into bikes that great cover photo. That's some wild ride.

And Epador and Lee, I was looking for some more new vegan products and food alternatives using Google when I saw that VeganErotica listing, and I had so see what the deal was. The philosophy there of "cruelty-free" kinky love toys which included colored whips was pretty wild of a new twist on the vegan philosophy.

But you really have to wonder what those tree-loving kinky eco-terrorist types who are into S&M like the Earth Liberation Front types do to replace those traditional rattan English school canes when they want to place a kinky love session beating on their lover in their bedrooms? No doubt some enterprising kinky tree-lover will find a synthetic replacement for those rattan pain-producing love toys as well someday at this rate. Wild stuff indeed.

But of all the funny stuff for sale I considered for this funny Christmas piece, that one weird Ebay ad still gives me the creeps. That guy in Jordan, Utah seems like he's running a bizarre household direct from a horror film like Rob Zombie's HOUSE OF A THOUSAND CORPSES or TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. I'd hate to be vacationing and have my car break down in his neck of the woods and want to use his phone, but end up being served for dinner or have my head stuffed on a wall. Brrrr. His ad gives me a cold chill, and that's just not the heat problems I've been having either.

Doubting Thomas:

Rattan is basically a grass - so it should be okay for vegan fun&games. I mean, sure, you can hug a tree but your tree-worshiping friends would just laugh at you. Grass? You're hugging GRASS, dude?

Man, they wouldn't let you near a tree again after lowering yourself like that...

Doubting Thomas:

Re the monowheels...

They're the sort of things you look at and go - "Wow, that's really neat! I want one!" And then you take a second look and go... "Uh, you know - I'm all for gyroscopic moment and all that - but you get that thing up to speed and it's gonna be a bitch to turn - and one flip and I'm gonna get smeared."

The expression on the soldier's face on the cover is "Damn, this thing is gonna tip right on me, and it's gonna hurt."

But if you think THAT is bad - take a look at the cover shot here

http://books.google.com/books?id=6CgDAAAAMBAJ&printsec=frontcover&dq=popular+science&source=gbs_summary_r&cad=0_0#PPA1,M1

- and the article here.

http://books.google.com/books?id=6CgDAAAAMBAJ&printsec=frontcover&dq=popular+science&source=gbs_summary_r&cad=0_0#PPA24,M1

I just don't see that working at ALL. That thing'd need to get up to at least 1000 RPM - and if the cockpit wasn't perfectly syncronized to the exterior, you'd be dizzy as anything in short order. (And let's not even talk about what would happen if the synch gear failed and suddenly YOU were going 1000 RPM.

That's a wild flying machine there, Doubting Thomas. I have a lot of old issues of those magazines, but not that one either. I get a big kick out of experimental aircraft, cars and bikes. Thanks for posting this stuff. I love this old wild tech stuff.


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Publisher: Kevin Aylward

Editors: Lee Ward, Larkin, Paul S Hooson, and Steve Crickmore

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